Man's wandering eye (Update)

Man’s wandering eye (update)

I was recently asked by a reader to provide an update regarding my partner’s wandering eye situation. I made the choice to move forward with the relationship after addressing the topic with said partner . We’ve since then had several open and vulnerable conversations, trying to find a solution or an avenue that would help us walk toward fixing this issue for good.

How did our conversations go?

They were open, with no criticism but observations only. Those conversations have to be made with a willingness of heart to help the relationship flourish, to better both parties, and to make each other’s lives better. My partner is willing and open to receive and acknowledge my opinion. Not all our conversations were easy or well received while being had, but love makes both parties want to do what’s best for the other. I believe that to be one of the important factors that made me move forward with my relationship.

In a more practical way, I simply expressed to him that I was struggling to reconcile the fact that he said he loves me while still looking at other women. To me, when I love someone, I don’t need anyone else. Don’t get me wrong, I do understand that being in a relationship doesn’t make you blind, but there is a difference between noticing beauty and lusting after said beauty. Where I take issue, is with the latter. When you hold my hand and your eyes wander into those of an other woman, I do take issue. When you tell me you love me and the next minute you turn your entire body to watch an other woman pass by, I do take issue. Those behaviors are dismissive and disrespectful to the partner you say you love. All those things I did express to him applying a technic I particularly love, I call it “reverse situation”. I place the other person in my shoes. For example, I asked him “how would that make you feel if we were walking on the street, and I turn to look at an other man? Would that reinforce your self-esteem? How would that make you feel?”. He then answered: “It doesn’t matter to me as long as I know you’re mine and would not leave me for someone else, because I trust you”. Another thing he answered was: “Everyone does it, therefore it’s not that big of a deal”. To which I responded, if I can’t place my value (in the sense of looking for validation) in your eyes, I will have to find that value somewhere else. For the second “objection” I simply responded that I guess we had different standards, and mine were that I wanted a man that would be in control of his desires. I do not believe the planet sets the standard to any given behavior. If you’re a Bible reader, you will know of Sodom and Gomorrah. The entire city was sinning, does that make their behaviors acceptable? Same goes for in the times of Noah. Nowadays it’s common for ladies to wear “booty shorts” that look to be painted on them with matching painted sport bras, is that therefore acceptable? The world does not set the standard, God does.

All that to say, we had to talk. We had to talk openly and be vulnerable with each other. We also looked at what could have potentially created that behavior, other than this immodest world we live in.

How are we doing?

We’re now married! I did take time to assess if that

was something I could deal with for a lifetime. Turns out, I married a

great man not a perfect man. There is no such thing as a perfect Man, simply the perfect Man for you. We’re working through it, and I trust there is a God that can fix all things, the same way He fixed some of my flaws. We (my husband and I) speak openly (as much as we can), we make efforts to be conscious of the other person’s emotions, as it is a very vulnerable position to be in for both of us. We try to give grace to each other, but most importantly, I realized I needed to work on my own self. I need to work on valuing myself first. Being my best me, will help not being sensitive to his behavior. If my value is not in my physical appearance, then him looking at other women will hurt less or not at all, which is my goal. I need to fill my cup to alleviate the need for someone else to pour into me.

To put it simply, we’re a work in progress as all couples are, but progress is being made. To each their struggle! No couple is perfect. So, despite that and other things happening in our lives, we’re doing great by God’s grace!

A word of encouragement

To everyone reading this and going through it, you are enough! Let no one make you feel like you’re lacking. Not your spouse, not your siblings, not your children, and not even your parents. When God created you, He thought you were beautiful and perfect with your differences. Work on reclaiming that love He instilled in you. Your Father that is in Heaven loves you, with your flat belly, or your round belly, or you thick thighs, or your skinny thighs…You are much more than your looks, don’t let this fallen society fool you.

I extend the love God filled my hear with today to you, and I wish you all the best.

Stay blessed, you are beautiful!!!